It’s been too long since I’ve sat at my computer and stared at the screen with an excitement with what I will type. There was a great deal of time that my thoughts, hopes, and dreams were tarnished by a broken heart I was desperately trying to fix. But there is a time to accept the past and move through the storm.
I found myself faced with a concept lately that is a bit scary for me and I will try my best to explain the twisty-turvy corners of my mind, but I feel as though there is a quote I should share that is an accurate summary of the thought.
Oh, and of course it’s Disney *Gasp*
Rapunzel: I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?
Flynn Rider: It will be.
Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?
Flynn Rider: Well, that’s the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.
Ugh! It hits me right in the feels.
There is this fear that I have faced for many years that is I’ll fail in some horrible way with whatever I want to pursue, and that the failure will be so catastrophic that I will never recover.
This is of course a silly way to think about things, and I have already proven it wrong many times throughout my life.
I’ve had dreams in my heart that I have been putting on hold for far too long and the only reason I have to give myself is that I’m worried it won’t be exactly how I dreamed of it. But every time I watch Disney’s Tangled and I hear the quote above, I’m reminded that things may or may not go as I plan but that can’t stop me from dreaming.
It also shouldn’t stop me from pursuing the dreams that have filled my heart for most of my life.
Have you ever had that? A fear of not only failing but also the fear of success?
I’m always fearful that in any success I’ll find myself in this constant fear of it all going away. This is not a concept that stays within the boundaries of my “dreams”, but I have these doubts and concerns whenever pursue a new career, step into a new relationship, or even consider stepping into the spotlight to sing.
What if this all goes wrong?
What if this all ends perfectly?
So then I have to ask myself, what is the fear of things going well? Why am I so conditioned to look for a problem in everything? No one should look at their future and fear that it might be a happily ever after.
I honestly don’t know how to answer this. I feel that I have strength to get me through whichever trials or problems I face, and in the event I don’t have the strength, I have amazing friends that have truly been there for me in my darkest days.
I have some fun and exciting things that are lining up for the near and distant future and I cannot wait to see how they turn out! In the meantime I will try to not let my fears of the unknown stop me from seeing them through.
I don’t have an eloquent proclamation on how I, or anyone, is supposed to move past the fear that lays in wait for whichever situation it seeks. And I’m not an expert on the balance of dreaming and then making those dreams come true. But I’ll tell you what I tell myself every day:
Dream and then Do.
What are you gonna do about that, fear?